No Pee Pee on isle

The morning began with a kickarse brekkie of rice porridge, sausage, scrambled egg, bread, juices and fruits at the hotel's restaurant deck overlooking the lovely cliffs. We were soon joined by the resident kitty cat who begged me for some sausage and promptly played with its own tail on the hot tin roof. It's true when they say you don't adopt cats, they adopt you. This little minx was treading all over the property without care or worry, short of curling up on the guests' beds.

Our pick-up arrived on time at 8.30am and whizzed us to our waiting speedboat, joined by a group of mixed characters. Who stood out were the American GI-Joe and his Thai escort (who hardly spoke and drank in every word he uttered, she also wore white lacy panties which slipped beneath her costume), Bedroom Couple (this Sporean couple who got nominated for Worst Dressed, especially her whose pubic hair was poking out in places I dared not mention), a sweet Thai family (the poor toddler screamed his lungs out and attached himself to his dad like a koala bear everytime the engine came alive) and a Filippino family of 2 sisters and their adorable kids (the 2year-old was so cute, her 13-year old brother dishy too!).

Finally there was a Thai couple and their friend who was speaking - oh-my-god - italian to this elder-ish angmoh couple! Ever the introvert, I interrupted their conversation and asked "Siete italiani?" (you're italians?) and they nodded in surprise. I went "Ah benissimo! Parlo un po' italiano e adesso sto imparando la lingua!" (Very well! I speak a bit and am learning it now!) Them: "Che brava!" blah blah etc. See, I could even practise my italian in Thailand! Ooh, the excursion was off to a great start!

On the 35mins zippy ride to our first stop Bamboo island, Ink - our friendly tour guide - gave us a run-down of our itinerary and pointed out the map of the 2 Phi Phi islands while we hung on dearly to the railing and eyed the islands dotting the clear horizon. They reminded me of the Eolian islands in Sicilia - che bellissime - and I couldn't believe it had been a year since then, when it felt like I was there yesterday.

Bamboo island was normale, the corals were not spectacular and there were few fishes where we swam close to the beach. I told the italians "I corali sono morti" (the corals are dead). We spotted lots of other italian tourists and I almost chatted the guys up if not for their girlfriends! *grin* At our next stop Hin Klang, we got off in the deeper waters which were gorgeous with lots of beautiful corals, reefs and marine life. Ink threw bread at us and the next thing we knew, we were 'attacked' by hundreds of fishies and I laughed hysterically, trying to stay afloat without a life-vest.

We proceeded to see the protected caves housing the swallows and their nests, the tranquila turquoise Phi Ley Bay laguna, Maya 'The Beach' Bay and also waited for the monkeys to come out at Monkey Beach but the only primates we ogled at were on the other loud tourist boats. At this point, my bladder was going to explode but I just couldn't bring myself to 'do it' in the open sea for reasons being: 1) it was too choppy 2) the fishes might nibble at me there 3) people including the fishes were staring.

So for the next 30mins, I just focused on not leaking and F said I looked truly sick. Even Ink asked me if I was ok. At the next stop, he asked aloud who wanted to snorkle again and I was the only one who shouted 'yes!' much to F's amusement and was the first one to jump in immediately. Still there was no pee pee on Phi Phi! F%@k! Perche?? Luckily we stopped for lunch buffet soon and I ran barefoot to the toilet for the longest bladder break ever. Sigh... molto shiok.

By 2pm the sun was blazing and I could feel our skin smoking under the rays when we jumped into the deep waters for our last snorkelling session. More sunblock please. The gigantic brown reefs looked like delicious mounds of melted rocher chocolates and it was uncanny how the fishes were staring at us in the eye. They must be thinking who the f%ck are we, these strange creatures with their ugly fogged up masks and stale bread. In any case, they were happy to nibble at the melon skins which Ink threw out as he expertly peeled the juicy fruits for us.

On our way back, the rain came and engulfed the speedboat which flew precariously on choppy waves. I hung on for dear life and try to look far away in search of dry land. Luckily we reached Aonang in no time and were the only ones to tip Ink for his service. That night, F and I finally popped into this supposedly 24-hour non-descript restaurant with a rather unimaginative name 'Aonang Thai Food & Seafood', sandwiched between Cowboy Inn and Divers' Inn. If there were only locals eating there, it must be darn aroy mah-mah ka (molto delizioso).

The shaggy-haired waiter-manager greeted us warmly 'sawadee-kup my friend, welcome...' and passed us a menu full of bad spellings and pictures. We rattled off the same dishes to him - hoi wan lemongrass soup, fried fish with som-tam salad, beef with ginger and Singha beer (450baht). He came running back 'sir, we no hoi wan tolay, we have hoi ok?'. I wanted to correct him I was not a sir but merely smiled politely and nursed my beer with ice. Did I say it was impossible to have a bad meal in Thailand? I was right again. The flavours were homecooked and unpretentious.

Later, we went to look for the boyish Nut, the tattooist for F's appointment. Inspired by the show 'Miami Ink' and assured by the sterile conditions of Nut Tattoo Cafe, she gamely had her 2nd design - a rose with her initials FY- inked along her hip bone for 2,500baht (S$100). I winced as I documented it all with the camera and tried to distract her by asking her if it hurt. Haha. F winced at some intervals but was brava enough to stretch her skin for him to ink it throughout the hour-long session. She was really happy with it but I nearly gagged when I saw the blood when she removed the bandage. *shutter* Here's the final version: