Risoluzioni molti

As we entered the 8th day of the new year, I suddenly had a mental seizure and panic attack just thinking of my impending 32nd birthday 7 months, 8 days, 2 hours and 30 secs away. I thought to myself; life began 31 years ago for me and what have I done to make myself proud?

1. Ok I'm not a drug addict/ rapist/ compulsive gambler / alcoholic / materialistic bimbo... yet (in that order)
2. I've no debt, except eternally to parents, whom expect money from me at the end of every month
3. I run a sustainable business based on my acumen, talents, wit and beauty
4. I am modest, smart, funny, successful, easy-on-the-eye (so eligible but yet so single)
5. I am kind to animals and old people (who don't talk back)
6. I expect close to 86 loved ones (yes, even those who hate my guts) to show up at my funeral
7. I count myself an independent global traveller, having only been on a package tour three times in my life; age 9 at Genting Highlands with family, age 14 at Phuket with relatives, and age 20 in Japan/China with granny
8. I am a natural linguist and speak seven languages - Hokkien, TV Cantonese, B3 Mandarin, English, Singlish, Intermedio due Italiano and fluent Cat Talk
9. I can survive anywhere if they need a chef, driver, maid, gardener, pet-sitter, waitress, bartender, amateur actress, back-up singer-dancer, mural-painter, proof-reader, tour guide
10. I am quasi famous now that I've done numerous interviews in mags, radio, websites and soon TV

Hey, I didn't make up the last one; I really spent the last Friday being trailed by a TV crew and quizzed by a TV/radio 'celebrity' for a possible new show called "The Mostest Jobs" on primetime television. My episode was "Most Delicious Jobs" where I was captured quaffing down food albeit elegantly at one of my regular food tastings. They asked: "So what are some of your occupational hazards?" I replied with absolute wit and deadpan seriousness in one single take: "Hmm, let me see... an unchecked cholestrol level, fatty liver, obession with photographing every dish and resisting the mental checklist at every meal." Ha! Take that!

I hope I'll appear smart, professional, witty and close to my actual weight when it airs (stay tuned if you want to know when). But in all seriousness (when wasn't I?), I've given some thought to my new year resolutions and they are:

- To quit smoking (again)
- To improve my italiano (advance livello)
- To hold an exhibition to share my artistic interests
- To be kinder to parents and relatives (even those who bug me to get married soon)
- To achieve a lean, mean body thro' healthy living (no plastic surgery)
- To get a bike licence (so can borrow sis' brand new Vespa)
- To travel to new exotic places (e.g India and Philippines)
- To tornare a casa mia, Italia di nuovo in Settembre per una mese (yay!)
- To start praying for il mio grande amore (please, oh please, per favore - I'll be such a good girl)