Tired as hell, we had to endure almost 4hrs of flying in an upright stiff seat (cannot recline lor) senza breakfast. Upon reaching Cebu at 6am, an airport security guy radioed a cab for us while we fought off offers from other limousine services. A sign of things to come was when the driver refused to go by the meter and quoted 300 pesos (S$9+). He tried desperately to make small talk but we sulked, pissed being ripped off so early (mi hanno fregato!). Little did we know that there'd be more taxi woes to come. 
Maribago Bluewater resort was fancier than we expected and we managed to check in earlier into the new spa wing which housed our expansive deluxe room, walk-in closet/toilet and bathtub/shower yard. I surpised N when I took Pecora (our office pet) out from my bag and tucked her into my grande queen bed. Yes, even sheeps need an off day! We got some winks and woke up at noon for lunch at the Algero restaurant by the pool, while eyeballing the mixedbag of Korean tourists, Russian men and Hong Kong couple. There was only one other Singaporean couple at the resort - a COM (Chinese Old Man) and PYT (Pretty Young Thing), whom we swore never left the resort and spent all their time video-taping each other at the pool. They have 2 shockingly matching swimsuits - one in kinky blue and the other in bright orange.
'Matching' seemed to be the keyword for 2 other couples - seen spotting similar striped shirt-white pants combos. The other Korean couple wore a dress and a shirt made from the same fabric. Scary - gave new meaning to 'they're cut from the same cloth'. They must love each other so much that it's ok to stomach the public humiliation together. Anyway we rather focused on our kambing stew, grilled stuffed cuttlefish and nicoise salad washed down with San Miguel and fresh mango shake (I had 2 each day!). We hurried to the beach for our postcard-perfect beach paradise but found a horrid man-made bay and breakwater, struggling over a muddy-rocky sea bed. Before we finished our mango ice cream, some 'sea urchins' approached us for private boat trips to the nearby isles. The tanned locals quoted us 2,500 pesos (S$75+) but we were only willing to part with 2,000, to which they agreed too quickly.
We hopped onto one of the many lightweight 'banca' - a long slim whitewashed boat flanked by 2 skeletal 'wings'. The crew of 6 hanger-ons soon tried to sell us handmade shell souvenirs but we politely declined the aunties and gazed at the blue sea instead.The guide (a deadringer for the lead actor in Hotel Rwanda) was trying hard to make small talk too but we couldn't help being guarded as it seemed they were more keen to off load more cash from us.
When we reached our pitstop, he said it was a private isle and asked for 150 pesos as 'entrance fee'. We gave him our best ridiculed look and said we won't pay more than 100 pesos to which he readily said ok! Did they think we were idiots? The isle was a huge disappointment as the extreme low-tide revealed 50m of squishy sea bed, slugs and sea urchins, and we couldn't find a spot to soak in the blazing sun. 
Our disappointment showed clearly and Mr Rwanda tried to appease us by showing us the variety of starfishes - from small brown ones and large blue fellows to a boxy round species. Before we could stop him from cracking open a baby urchin, he did so and tossed the poor thing away. Back on the banca, the women tried in vain again to sell us more touristy shell jewellery but we just want the sea! Just then he moored the boat in the deep waters and we jumped right in - even N who was afraid to swim in the open! Ahhh. This was what we were waiting for. 
Our legs felt the tinkling sensations of the warm and cold currents, as we floated effortlessly in the blue waters and clung onto the long white poles; shaped like gigantic white asparagus. The 'crew' watched us for a second, got bored and turned their attention to a card game for the next half hour, while we blissfully chatted till wrinkly under the sun. As we reached shore, Mr Rwanda unabashedly asked for additional 'tips' for the boys, claiming he didn't take any commission - madonna!
We cooled off at the bar with more beer and mango shake and watched the Korean couples act cute and posed for the camera against the setting sun. Ok, I admit it, we also ogled at the sporty local boys, especially 'The Butt' who was riding the jetski like a rodeo cowboy. The people are gorgeous here, with exotic names like Pretcel, Delce and Mercedes, and lovely tagalog accents that we were desperately trying to perfect - cos both of us are great mimics as well as clowns, as you can tell (FYI, N does a brilliant Jap and Thai, while I excel at Italian and Indian).In the evening, we asked the sweet receptionist Mercedes to call a metered cab for us to Sutukil (as opposed to a steep 600 pesos for limo service) and her reponse was 1) metered cab? 2) Sutukil?! as if she had never heard of both before. Apparently it was deemed 'unsafe' for us but we insisted on going anyway since our other Filippina friend recommended the local dining enclave of seafood eateries. This cab driver was no better and asked for 30 pesos more for 'parking'. Pui!
We got there in 20mins and found a dingy lane of seafood holes in the wall, bearing tiled counters of fresh fish, shellfish and seaweed that were on display for guests to pick and decide how they should be cooked. FYI - Su-tu-kil means 'sugba' for grilled, 'tinula' for soup and 'kinilaw' for raw, sashimi Cebuon-style. If we were in Japan, we'd pick 'kil' easily but here we'd rather stick to the cooked items.
One of the joints, aptly named 'No Problem Restaurant', was our choice as it was bustling (actually more like loud with the karaoke from next door, guess music courses thro' their blood!). The eatery's tagline was 'Take.Eat.Easy' - just the way we liked it. Our starter was prawns soup, a tad salty, boiled with fish bones. Then came the grilled squid, fried whole fish (detected a hint of fermented sauce) and the sparkling fresh 'latoh' seaweed salad (1,000 pesos/ S$30).
It was easily the highlight of dinner with its caviar-like pop-in-the-mouth sensation and mild fresh-saltwater taste, like eating fish roe. The chubby chatty waitress wearing a hairnet informed us that it was good for the throat so we lapped it up with our San Miguel Light birra and cigarettes. Hahaha. Large groups of families were cleaning plates after plates of seafood on long tables/benches in the big dining hall and soon we were the last ones left.
After buying some souvenirs and mangoes, we popped into a guitar shop with the cutest mini guitars that caught my eye. I bought a kid size one for 1,000 pesos (S$30) for Patzy cos he was an insane collector. At the shop next door, the guy was like 'You beautiful, like Filippina' but hey sorry dude, I already bought my strings so no need for flattery. To burn our calories, we joined the flock of locals at the Mactan Shrine before deciding to hitch a jeepney back for 6 pesos - such fun!
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