Okay I had officially pulled the plug off the dating site and erased all the men in my 'Who's Interested?' in-tray and hid my profile from the rest of the world. I'm going to wean myself off it before it devours me whole. It was like a freakin' bad drug feeding my ego so high and dry, and letting me down in a horrible downward spiral. In the end, I felt worse as my being tuned into their amplified loneliness, pain, hopes, fears and rejection. No one told me it'd leave a sour taste. The consolation was at least I got to know myself better, having chewed over my 'Personal Ad' and affirmed that I'm indeed a silly sentimental and loyal fool who formed attachments too quickly and easily. I have to learn how to rid of my expectations and let be. Cazzo, ho bisogno di una sigaretta ora.
You turn a blind eye
but you still see
pain is in the heart
where it bleeds
cry and be happy
hold onto life and don't let go
I pray for my sanity and yours
disbelieve in what you don't
want to see if seeing's believing
in a bitter sweet encounter that sours
at an untimely place and hour.
~Carl 1998~
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